Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

如果是其他書本介紹的書, 通常都是不錯. 這一本不記得是哪一本書介紹, 但, 一打開就差不多手不釋卷. 是我看哲理類的書很少見的.

作者是醫生, 曾參與越戰, 眼見過殺人與死亡. 後來當心理醫生, 他在13個月內, 一個兒子因精神病自殺死了, 一個因為血癌而死. 原來, 他長大後才發覺自己原來是領養, 千辛萬苦去找生娘. 單看他的閱歷, 就知道他的體會, 比普通人多. 但, 書內, 他很謙卑, 沒有說自己如何刻苦, 如何排除萬難, 更沒有說教的口吻. 反而在序說要獻給:

To my patients who taught me most of what is in this book.

喜歡此書的原因是, 作者經歷喪子之痛, 沒有因此而變得religious. 現實中, 很多人在失意及病重時, 都會去信教, 希望願望實現, 我覺得很功利, 也是變相檯底交易.

I use if it is possibly to intentionally hurt someone we love. Would we do such a thing to ourselves? Can we love the truck that runs us over?

這一句就隱隱看出他不會是教徒吧.

Whenever I talk with couples in a conflict, it is striking how similar are their desires: to be respected, to be listened to, to feel that they are the centre of their partner's life. What else could we possibly want in a relationship? It is what people mean when they speak of love?

發人深省.

We are responsible for most of what happens to us.

While it takes two people to create a relationship, it takes only one to end it.

Keeping our expectation low protects us from disappointment.

這就是我們說的: 沒有期望, 沒有失望.
Most old people are preoccupied with self-centered complaints.

老人家的確很喜歡投訴.

It is that every life contains losses. How we respond to them is what defines us.

每一章的標題都有意思.

Chap 1 - if the map doesn't agree with the terrain, the map is wrong
Chap 2 - "We are what we do"
Chap 3 - "It's difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place" - Chap 4 - "a figurative statute of limitations on our childhood traumas"
Chap - 5 "Any relationship (r/shp) is controlled by the one who loves least"
Chap 6 - that "feelings follow behavior"
Chap 7 - "Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid"
Chap 8 - "The perfect is the enemy of the good"
Chap 9 - "Knowing when to ask `why' and conversely `why not"
Chap 10 - "Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses"
Chap 11 - "The most secure prisons are the ones we construct for ourselves"
Chap 12 - "The problems of the elderly are serious, but uninteresting"
Chap 13 - "Happiness is the ultimate risk"
Chap 14 - "Love is the apple of Eden"
Chap 15 - "Only bad things happen quickly"
Chap 16 - "Not all who wander are lost"
Chap 17 - "Unrequitted love is painful, but not romantic"
Chap 18 - "Doing the same things and expecting different results
Chap 19 - "We flee from truth in vain"
Chap 20 - "Don't lie to yourself - He discusses denial, and hypocrisy vs authenticity;
Chap 21 - "The myth of the perfect stranger"
Chap 22 - "Love is never lost, not even in death"
Chap 23 - "Nobody likes to be told what to do"
Chap 24 - "Illness can provide relief from responsibility"
Chap 25 - "We're afraid of the wrong things"
Chap 26 - "Parents have a limited ability to shape their children's behavior, except for the worse"
Chap 27 - "Our only paradises are ones we've lost"
Chap 28 - "As to courage, the ability to laugh is the most therapeutic"
Chap 29 - "Mental health requires freedom of choice"
Chap 30 - "Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but it's not the same"

這是一本好書.